May 2012
35 posts
I’m allergic to my own happiness.
You use ‘bb’ as baby, but I use ‘bb’ as basic bitch.
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so glad my father refers to me as ” the princess” when he emails the family.
Jhameel - Shadow of a Man
you need to stop baby...
How appropriate NBC would name their show Smash because that’s what I wanted to do to my face after watching an episode.
The fire priestess gave birth to a smoke monster that killed Renly Baratheon was pretty much 6 seasons of Lost in 3 minutes.
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The Avengers came out with their own cologne line. You too can smell useless just like the real Black Widow!
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I’m on this very strict summer diet where I eat everything I see.
Most private thing you’re willing to admit: I had a Xanga.
Ladyhawke Anxiety →
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Things I would say if I were a mother on Mother’s Day:
I’m so glad you think getting me a card once a year was worth splitting my vagina for you.
That’s it?
You’re a big disappointment but that’s okay you got that from your father.
You bought this with my credit card.
You’re my second favorite.
I should have aborted you. Just kidding, I love you!
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We can all stop pretending like we read and enjoyed The Great Gatsby because it was just another book about boring ass rich white people in the 1920s and their ‘problems.’
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My bathroom light is broken so whenever people come over and use my bathroom I tell them I’m going green. The joke is that no one ever comes over.
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You should know I don’t take anything seriously.
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gays sync their misery just like girls can sync their periods
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If people were more honest with their friends maybe I’d see less modeling pictures on Facebook.
April 2012
27 posts
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Everyday I don’t get hit by a speeding truck is considered a good day.
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is spending money you don’t have uniquely American? thank god being poor is universal and that’s something the banks can never take away from me
is it a surprise to anyone that i own a shirt covered in purple and white sperm.
the whole time camping everyone was searching for the optimal farting zone where you could fart & no one would hear.
I really tried to get into Glee but it just sucks so much.
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shaaaant asked: Shade don't phase me, I got Rihanna navy
staying up extra late so I can be extra miserable in the morning is the only way I know.
“your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash”
– Top Gun