February 2012
27 posts
you’d think e-books would be much cheaper but they’re not.
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Everybody shut the fuck up about everything because Dame Judi Dench is going BLIND.
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My credit card statement came in the mail today. I hope it has anthrax in it so I die
how Netflix ruined my life: a memoir
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I can’t shit under these conditions. So I got up and didn’t poop today. I’m such a drama queen. Syria? whatever.
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PubMed has some interesting papers on HIV. I also came across this:
Multivariate analyses revealed that a drive for muscularity was associated with age, disordered eating, depression, sexual risk and internalised homonegativity.
HOMONEGATIVITY.
“A condom in every jail cell” was also another great title.
It appears my sincerity is most insincere
Me: Can I photoshop a Jigglypuff over your face?
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I have to give a presentation about sex addiction, and I’m pretty sure my first slides will be Tiger Wood’s text messages:
Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM :Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat
Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM :You are my fucking whore
Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM:Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i...
Like any real American I’m just trying to pull myself up from my bootstraps booty shorts.
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virology lecture
Rachel: It's like someone made these viral proteins
Me: like Jesus came and personally blessed HIV
Rachel: No...
Me: well that's where this conversation was headed.
We don't sit next to each other anymore.
January 2012
20 posts
Spring 2012
My last semester of undergrad: Endocrinology (waitlisted), Virology, Immunology, Biology Seminar, Creative writing, and Human sexuality
My new years resolution should have been to develop an eating disorder.
being a fake catholic is so hard guys
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Unfortunately, you can’t auto-correct stupidity.
Unlike Sherlock, there is no mystery that Piers Morgan is a piece of shit. You can have him back, but we’ll keep Sherlock.
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Couple: We're both Virgo's that's why we get along so well.
Me: Oh, so you're both retarded.
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wait, you mean like eat in public? No thanks.
I need to sign up for a swim class next semester because I refuse to do any land based exercises. The water will carry me to my goals and ~*dreams*~
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I’m pretty sure the only reason I go to bed is to prevent myself from eating everything in my fridge.
December 2011
28 posts
The most obnoxious show of 2011 ever continues to be Million Dollar Matchmaker.
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